That was just the beginning. Be prepared to see the true ending of my picture story. This is my new and improved version of my story. If you were surprised the first time you will standing on your jaw in amazement because of my story.
“A peaceful place during the sunset or sunrise that would be terrific. Look around. Going to a beach during the sunset would be very peaceful only a few people then. Going to a surprisingly empty place on the beach that would be tranquility.” Sarah told her friend Cassie. “Wow! I never thought about that.” Cassie said impressed. Cassie’s mom told her to come home, but she would not listen she was being disrespectful. “What else can you tell me about it?” Cassie continuously said.
Sarah’s mom told her it’s time to go. “Can Cassie come to please?” Sarah begged.
“No! Now get pack " “Too bad she’s coming mom, and you can’t stop her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Sarah said interrupting her. She was acting very naive.
“What did you say missy!” Her mother yelled while moving towards her. What a quarrel they are having!
She went to the beach without Cassie. “I’m so bored!” Sarah proclaimed. from inside the van they were driving. By the time they got there Sarah was asleep. Her mom gently woke her up. When they were aloud to play on the beach it was at sunset. “I’m still super angry at you!” Sarah screamed at her mom still acting naive. Cassie’s mom took her to the beach to surprise Sarah’s mom. She bluntly declared inching out of the van feeling somewhat crestfallen.
Cassie surprised Sarah! Sarah was feeling doubtful about lots of things. Cassie felt ignored until… “Surprise!!!” Sarah's mood changed as fast as storm clouds gathering in the night sky. Making Cassie jump really high. “Yeah you’re here! I’m so happy.” Sarah exclaimed acting much more like herself.
Their moms deciding where to stay for a while. "How about Leslie's rest/ inn?" Cassie's mom asked insistingly.
"Yes. That sounds nice, but first we should let the kids play a wee bit longer. Eh how about that?" Sarah's mom answered kindly.
" That sounds just perfectly lovely. " Cassie's mom sleepily answered.
Meanwhile going back to the girls..................
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?" Cassie exhaustedly told Sarah.
" Nice one. Very tricky too." Sarah half awake remarked. Both of them fell asleep before you could say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Hi Mary,
I really like your addition of this simile: "Sarah's mood changed as fast as storm clouds gathering in the night sky."
Between that simile and your extraordinary introductory sentences about a tranquil place on the beach, I was really ready for an ending in a horrific storm with Cassie and Sarah comparing their expectations and reality. Boy did you surprise me. With your exceptional vocabulary, what could you do with that kind of ending? I'd love to read it!
Best,
Lani
Posted by: Lani | December 11, 2006 at 12:53 PM