As you may have heard, Osama Bin Laden is supposabley be hiding around the boarder of Pakistan.
This is a news lead and I hope I have the who, what, when, where, and why.
Comments
Hey there Derrick,
Wow! Your leads are really awesome. Its so cool that youre putting your writing online. I remember when I was your age I liked to write a lot too, but I would never ever let anyone read any of my work because I was too shy. I know it might seem kind of scary, but I can promise that youre doing a really cool thing here, and someday because of it youre going to be an excellent writer.
I liked how you incorporated the five Ws into your work. You had everything you need for a good news lead. Your spelling needs just a little tweaking, for instance, in the second lead, to be grammatically correct you could change it to "Osama bin Laden is supposedly hiding around the border of Pakistan." You could also say "Osama bin Laden is being searched for around the border of Pakistan" or even "Osama bin Laden will be supposedly hiding around the border of Pakistan". But even though it needs just a little work this sentence is an excellent news lead, its informative and just the right length for its content. Keep up the great work! Talk to you later ~ Vanessa B.
Hey there Derrick,
Wow! Your leads are really awesome. Its so cool that youre putting your writing online. I remember when I was your age I liked to write a lot too, but I would never ever let anyone read any of my work because I was too shy. I know it might seem kind of scary, but I can promise that youre doing a really cool thing here, and someday because of it youre going to be an excellent writer.
I liked how you incorporated the five Ws into your work. You had everything you need for a good news lead. Your spelling needs just a little tweaking, for instance, in the second lead, to be grammatically correct you could change it to "Osama bin Laden is supposedly hiding around the border of Pakistan." You could also say "Osama bin Laden is being searched for around the border of Pakistan" or even "Osama bin Laden will be supposedly hiding around the border of Pakistan". But even though it needs just a little work this sentence is an excellent news lead, its informative and just the right length for its content. Keep up the great work! Talk to you later ~ Vanessa B.
Posted by: Vanessa B. | March 19, 2003 at 10:04 AM