This is a story on how teens can change the world and I would like to get some feed back from you when you have time. I did this for homework and it came out great.
Can teens change the world every day or week for the nation?
Teens in New Jersey have been coming up with some ideas for the people that have disabilities with doing normal things that other people can do.
Teens are speeking out for their elders in this quote.
"I can change the world by being nice to the eldrs and others even if they are mean to me," said Matt.
Teens have other abilities to change peoples' actions to children that do not have any manners at all at any time they have. Do you know anyone that needs to change his or her ways of attitude arrangement?
Teens can also save themselves by quiting smoking, even if it's their friend that is smoking. Your actions can make a change in the world; so don't feel like you are useless in the world.
Hey there Derrick, how're ya?
This is a very good article! You're putting in a great amount of effort. By the way, in the picture on the collaberation page i'm the girl kneeling in the front with the gray sweatshirt. Where are you in your picture?
So anyway, I like your lead, sometimes starting out with a question is really good. The quote wasgood and properly formated but you never told anyone who Matt was, he just kind of appeared out of no where. You might want to introduce him as a source in theparagraphbefore. You could saysomething like "in this quote from Matt so-and-so". But anyway, i have a favor to ask you. Here is the lead from the laststory i've been working on. It's about teenage stereotypes and how they effect my school. Would you tell me if you like it? What can i do to make it better? Feel free to tell meyour opinion.
Liz Genne-Bacon only needs to glance around the cafeteria once to tell what kind of groups of people there are. She's far too used to witnessing the same phenomena. All of the jocks are sitting at one table, the punks at another, the preps at another still and nerds at the far corner. It doesn't matter what door they come in from, everyone instantly walks to their designated table of friends and stays there. They go to get food and mix briefly but separate like water and oil as soon as they get back to a place where they aren't waiting in a line.
"I think they're unavoidable," says Liz, a sophomore at Central, as she refers to the many stereotypes that are so accurately illustrated in cafeterias around the school. "Stereotypes do have some truth to them, but no one fits perfectly."
Thanks for the feedback,
~Vanessa ^_^
Posted by: Vanessa B. | March 26, 2003 at 09:35 AM
Hey wat up man,
I like your idea about how teens and other people can change the world. And that quote you have from Matt is a good one to put in there and is very useful. Its good to get out there and tell teens that they should be nice to there elders and there younger people. Smoking is a big problem with my friends here. I wish they didnt do it and had someone older tell them not to so I dont have to smell that awfull smell. And I heard that you want to no which one I am in that picture. Im the 4th person from the left with the white jersey and the hat on. That would be me.
Below all this is a lead to a story that I am writing. I was wondering if you can give me some comments on it and make and corrections if it needs some. Everything in red is my lead so if you can I would like to hear your comments on them.I was also wondering ifyou will be ableto try and guess what my story is about. Or get some friends to help. Thanks.
Dave
As Jason Keegan sees his friend in front of him he starts to gain on him he hits it harder and pushes it to the limit. All he can hear out of his ears are the loud bumping noise coming from the back. The rattling to the beat of the music. And all you see in the end are two friends congratulating each other on another job well done.
Posted by: Dave | March 26, 2003 at 09:43 AM
Hi Derrick,
I've got a big test this week and have to study really hard, so I can't really respond to your writing the way I would like to, but I will discuss this topic next week.
Keep writing.
Julie
Posted by: Julie Corey | March 26, 2003 at 05:56 PM
Hey Dave,
Thanks for helping me with my nut graphs and the stories and what to put in the place. Do you want to know where I am in the picture above yours? I am in the last row in the middle wearing a blue shirt. I wish I could help you out sometimes on your troubles in paragraphs "if you have any troubles."
Your story is stupendous and wonderful and I can't do anything better than that.
Thank you for everything you helped me on for my paragraphs and nut graphs.
Sincerely,
Derrick $-$
Posted by: Derrick | March 27, 2003 at 08:49 AM
Hey Vanessa,
Thanks for helping me with my nut graphs and the stories and what to put in the place. Do you want to know where I am in the picture above yours? I am in the last row in the middle wearing a blue shirt. I wish I could help you out sometimes on your troubles in paragraphs "if you have any troubles."
Your story is stupendous and wonderful and I can't do anything better than that.
Thank you for everything you helped me on for my paragraphs and nut graphs.
Sincerely,
Derrick $-$
Posted by: Derrick | March 27, 2003 at 08:51 AM
Hey Vanessa,
Thanks for helping me with my nut graphs and the stories and what to put in the place. Do you want to know where I am in the picture above yours? I am in the last row in the middle wearing a blue shirt. I wish I could help you out sometimes on your troubles in paragraphs "if you have any troubles."
Your story is stupendous and wonderful and I can't do anything better than that.
Thank you for everything you helped me on for my paragraphs and nut graphs.
Sincerely,
Derrick $-$
Posted by: Derrick | March 27, 2003 at 08:55 AM