This story made me think about my first time bowling. I only got 2 strikes. How did you get so good?!?! Well there were a couple of corrections you can make and those are... Making the story as long as you can. The way you cant tell if you are really passionate about somthing is if the words just seem to flow out of your soul. More discribing words needed to be added. Some could be When up there on the lane, ready to get a strike and when I throw the hevy freshly polished sphere... or somthing like that. All in all that was a really great story. KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
This story made me think about my first time bowling. I only got 2 strikes. How did you get so good?!?! Well there were a couple of corrections you can make and those are...
Making the story as long as you can. The way you cant tell if you are really passionate about somthing is if the words just seem to flow out of your soul.
More discribing words needed to be added. Some could be When up there on the lane, ready to get a strike and when I throw the hevy freshly polished sphere... or somthing like that.
All in all that was a really great story. KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:18 AM
This story made me think about my first time bowling. I only got 2 strikes. How did you get so good?!?! Well there were a couple of corrections you can make and those are...
Making the story as long as you can. The way you cant tell if you are really passionate about somthing is if the words just seem to flow out of your soul.
More discribing words needed to be added. Some could be When up there on the lane, ready to get a strike and when I throw the hevy freshly polished sphere... or somthing like that.
All in all that was a really great story. KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:18 AM
This story made me think about my first time bowling. I only got 2 strikes. How did you get so good?!?! Well there were a couple of corrections you can make and those are...
Making the story as long as you can. The way you cant tell if you are really passionate about somthing is if the words just seem to flow out of your soul.
More discribing words needed to be added. Some could be When up there on the lane, ready to get a strike and when I throw the hevy freshly polished sphere... or somthing like that.
All in all that was a really great story. KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:19 AM
This story made me think about my first time bowling. I only got 2 strikes. How did you get so good?!?! Well there were a couple of corrections you can make and those are...
Making the story as long as you can. The way you cant tell if you are really passionate about somthing is if the words just seem to flow out of your soul.
More discribing words needed to be added. Some could be When up there on the lane, ready to get a strike and when I throw the hevy freshly polished sphere... or somthing like that.
All in all that was a really great story. KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:19 AM
This story made me think about my first time bowling. I only got 2 strikes. How did you get so good?!?! Well there were a couple of corrections you can make and those are...
Making the story as long as you can. The way you cant tell if you are really passionate about somthing is if the words just seem to flow out of your soul.
More discribing words needed to be added. Some could be When up there on the lane, ready to get a strike and when I throw the hevy freshly polished sphere... or somthing like that.
All in all that was a really great story. KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:19 AM
Derrik your story was ok but it needed more details, otherwise it was ok. Amber
the duck went chomp!!!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:34 AM
Derrick, your story made me think that you really really like to bowl. I think that we should do a one on one bowling game. Anyway you might want to consider that you might need to make some corrections. See ya!
Posted by: Derrick | March 18, 2004 at 10:37 AM