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December 05, 2006

Comments

Lani

Hi Eddie,

This is quite a story! I couldn't put it down!

What impresses me most is your choice of words and similes that paint pictures for me as I read, for example:

--"He stormed into the room"

--"ran home as fast as greased lightning"

--"light it produced was like a swarm of fire flies"

--"he was so scared he was sweating bullets"

Those pictures really bring your story to life!!

I wondered if you noticed in your last paragraph you repeated two words? Was that intentional?

I really look forward to reading more of your writing--
Best,
Lani

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