The Secret Hallway

        Grace , Chelsea,  and  Carmine  are  going  to  a  feast  at  the  their  aunts    house. When they arrived their aunt gave them a dress to go put them on. They went upstairs to put them on when they found something so unusual that it is impossible to describe. There were not sure if they should go ask their aunt what it was or see for there self

          They decided to go see for them self. While they were walking down the hallway they saw a door. When they went in the door they saw a whole different world. When they realized that they were grownups in that world. They wanted to go home but when they looked back at the door there was somebody blocking it. They said we have a party to go to we need to go home. The boy said when you are in this world time does not pass by. Then Grace said “how come is this like a magic world”. Yes these are all witches and warlocks if the master sees you he will kill you. They said then let us go out of this world

          Then the boy let them go out of the magic world he gave them each a necklace that would help them remember this world. When they went out of the hallway they were kids and the hallway was gone. They decided to never take the necklaces off ever again. They new that the feast was beginning they went downstairs to see how it was going they said it was an  adventure upstairs. But they never told why.

 

Comments

[Angela]

Leslie,
I think your story is very entertaining. It reminds me a little of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe- have you read that book before? Have you ever wished you could be a grown up for a while? I know I did when I was younger, but I think you have the right idea that it's best to stay a kid for as long as you can.

Good Job!

[chris]

I love stories that mix the everyday with the supernatural - have you read Alan Garner's "Elidor"?
Can I suggest you take a look at your punctuation of direct speech? You obviously know what to do, but you haven't always done it. It really makes dialogue clear when the punctuation is accurate.

[leslie]

Angela,
Write know I really dont want to be a grownup.Yes I did read the book I also saw the movie. It was very good.I caught my mistakes did you cacth them?

[leslie]

Chris,
Your saying all of your work is perfect.I went back and read mine i found the mistakes. Next time ill read it aloud before posting.

[Lani]

Hi Leslie,

You've done a good job of editing some of your errors! That is not an easy thing to do!

I wonder if you might not want to check with Mrs. A or Mrs. C on using there/their, and knew/new?

I really like this sentence:
"When they realized that they were grownups in that world they were shoked." Did you check the spelling on each of those words?

I can't wait to read your next post!

Best,
Lani

[Toni]

Hey Leslie, My name is Toni, I am a student in Mr. Fishers Class. I think that this is a interesting story and you did a good jod. I thought it was neat how they went up stairs and there was new adventure waiting for them. I also think that it was a good idea to post in on your blog that gives other people a chance to read it.

It is really cool that you are blogging, keep writitng!

-Toni