Today I'm going to write a news story adapted from CNN.
I was at my house getting ready for school. I left my house early to try to beat my partner. When I got there I was standing
outside waiting for the doors to ajar. Suddenly I heard a lawnmower
coming up the road, but he wasn't cutting the lawn. Then I heared a loud BOOOM!!! I was on the sidewalk unconcious,servely shot by the gun.
My partner Josh came running to me as fast as he could. Josh called my mom and she took me to the hospital. After all that had happend I didn't want to go to school alone anymore.
How would you reacted if you were shot and unconcious?
Wow, Jennifer! I can see that the shootings in the Washington DC area are truly on your mind. They are on my mind, too. I keep having to remind myself, especially when I walk my dog, that I live far away from that area. Then, I feel safer.
I like how you build your story to a big event or a turning point. You could probably add alot more detail to help the reader visualize your morning routine and the events leading up to this one horrible event. Or, you could write something that's not quite so upsetting! Either way, I look forward to reading your next post.
Amy
Posted by: Amy | October 16, 2002 at 11:10 AM
Hi Amy! How are you today? Well I am doing fine. I just wanted to thank you for your respond. I am going to write more stories on the web. The story that I'm going to post on the web is called
"Little Tom Goes to the ZOO". Mrs.Davis is also going to scan my illistration with the story. I'll hear from you soon!
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Posted by: Jennifer | October 17, 2002 at 08:13 AM