Little Tom Goes to The Zoo By Jennifer

Little Tom Goes to The Zoo.

Hi! My name is Little Tom. Today I went to zoo.I rode my bike there because the zoo was close by.
When I got there I saw the giraffes eating leaves and hyenas laughing.I then went to the lion's exhibit.He had huge boulders around him. Then he jumped on one boulder, then a next one, and then another one until he got on the sidewaik. He roared as loud as he could and scared the people. Even the giraffes ducked there heads and the hyenas started laughing like crazy. The lion started to run toward me.
I ran as fast as I could .I went into a building but I didn't know what the name was because I ran too fast. I went into the building and I saw lizards, crocodiles,alligators and other kinds of reptiles.I thought to myself REPTILES,UH OH. So I jumped over a rail into one of the exhibit behind a rock.Suddenly the lion came in slowly hunting me. Then there was a hissing sound. I turned around and there was a 30 foot long anaconda in my face. The anaconda slithered about wrapping itself around my waist. Before I knew it he squeezed me.
Suddenly the zookeeper appeared from nowhere and took the lion back to his exhibit. Then he took me out from the anaconda exhibit and told me to go home.
So I rode my bike home and said to myself,/"I had enough adventure for one day. "Suddenly my mom woke me up and I said to her,"But I'm riding my bike home." She said "But how could you be riding your bike when your still in bed ?" Then I opened my eyes and realized it was all a dream.

Comments

[Debi Gibson]

This was a fun story to read, Jennifer! I like the way it ended. You had me fooled. Please remember to hit the space bar two times after every period. This gives a little space between the sentences, so it is easier to read. I am looking forward to your next creation!
Mrs. Gibson

[Amy]

Hi Jennifer!

What a great story! Even though I don't ususally look for single sentences I like best, one really stood out as being well written. It is descriptive and uses imagery - helping me to really see the action in my mind. Here's the sentence:
"The anaconda slithered about wrapping itself around my waist." Good job! You could have made it even better by putting a word in to describe the anaconda. Something like, "The angry anaconda," or "The slippery anaconda," would also work well!

I look forward to the next story! Keep up the great work! Hope you have a great weekend.

Amy