Learning from other student voices!

You're going to love this lesson!  Emily, Jennifer, and Derrick, who were in last year's NewsQuest group, are really going to be especially excited because today's lesson comes from a new group of Mr. Richardson's students. Now these students are not teaching you directly, just indirectly.  They don't even know that their good voices are going to be recognized in this way but credit is due and you are the lucky ones because you get to learn from them! Isn't that the wonder of weblogs?

The past couple of weeks we have been focusing on comments and you are doing great.  For this lesson, I just have to share some very astute comments from his group of journalism students.  We're going to discuss them and learn from them. Pay close attention to the wording of their suggestions, too.  It will help you on your own commenting.  This is going to be fun! 

Mallory comments on Dana's site:

Also, one thing that I'm particularly impressed with is the fact that Dana truly picked a topic that I think she's passionate about, right down to the last stitch (haha...ok maybe not but I thought it was funny...) I absolutely think that this comes through in all of her posts.

What we'll talk about....... being passionate about a topic, the play on words, what makes this come through on all her posts

Claire's comments on Mallory' site:

I really like some of the posts that Mallory has done. This one, for example, is good because she has a direct quote in it, which takes her to a link that explains more or less what the quote is about. She seems to have gathered a lot of good info. and she keeps it well organized here.

What we'll talk about....... a direct quote, importance of a link, gathering good info, being well organized

Devin's comments on Jess' site:

Write a headline: "Depression in Teens: The Upcoming Trend?"

This is from Jess's site. I think all of us feel the same way about writing headlines. But I think this headline is actually very good. If this was my article that is the one I would use. I definitley like the approach that Jess is pointing towards and I think it will make her article really interesting. I think if we write down lots and lots of headlines we will find the right one.

What we'll talk about....... how writing down lots and lots of headlines may help

Kristen's comments on Amelia's site:

Amelia's interview request is very well-written and I think there's a great chance she'll get a response from it (if she hasn't already). She starts off by saying where she found the person's, compliments her work, then asks her questions. The questions are precise and to the point, and I think she'll get some good responses out of it and some usable quotes.

What we'll talk about....... questions that are precise and to the point  (Isn't this one appropriate for the 3 of you who are getting ready to prepare some interview questions? Good timing!)

Devin's comments on Matt's site:

Entice the Reader: Twelve year old Jeremy Sahan has been sitting at his computer for the last five hours without a break. A thin line of sweat forming on his forehead, the boy is almost finished. His squeaky high pitched voice screamed "Dude, I ROCK!" as his newest weapon upgrade for the popular online video game Diablo began to take bids on EBAY.

I really liked these two openings to Matt's story. I think both of them are interesting and both intice the reader's attention. I again feel that the approach of writing many will ultimatley help us right the best opening for our article. I liked his tactics but I also liked how he wrote what he wrote. Great job!

What we'll talk about....... hooking your reader, good leads, how you write what you write

Dana's comments on Meredith's site:

"I guess for me (someone who does care about the news) it's kind of upsetting to see that my peers have so little interest in it all. Some of the smartest people that I know have no idea what goes on in the world, and to me that's just SUCH a waste of intellect. To be honest, I guess I'm kind of looking for my article to guilt trip some people into picking up a newspaper. I want to see my generation be well-informed, and I would do a lot to see that happen. I guess this article is just my first step in doing so." --From Meredith. I think Meredith's got a strong focus on what she wants to do with her article. At least she's articulating it well. Good luck, Meredith!

What we'll talk about....... "knowing what's going on in the world" is something you guys know so I just had to put this in here to suggest that this would be a great subject for you to write about to encourage others and tell how it has helped you, why they should be well-informed.....anyone up for the challenge?

Comments

[Jennifer]

Hello everyone! I really like everyone's comments, and how you really got specific with detail to tell the friend how they need to revise their story. That made me realize how much detail you need to tell the friend. Thanks for the help!